Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Dismemberment Table (Spectral Arquebus)

When we posted the Spectral Arquebus we inadvertently dropped the Dismemberment Table.

It just isn't the same using that magical weapon without the full, gory glory of the horrific wounds it can inflict, at least until you run out of dead-lead shot or someone drops a whirling pillar of salt-and-fire on your position. That requires an entirely other table.
Dismemberment Table D(20)
  1. Lose an ear.
  2. Lose 1d10 fingers (select randomly, even=right hand, odd=left hand).
  3. Lose an eye (even=right, odd=left).
  4. Nose torn off.
  5. Top of head removed, but you're still alive, even though your brains are exposed. Icky.
  6. Neck torn nearly in half; X3 damage, save or instant death.
  7. Head completely smashed or removed. You're dead, but your head might be rolling around as a potential tripping hazard now, if that is any consolation.
  8. Shoulder pulped, arm now fairly useless (unless save is made, then you're made of sterner stuff than the average soldier and can continue fighting unaffected and unhindered for 2d4 turns after which you collapse from shock, blood loss and trauma. Roll one more save or die on the spot, but you do so valiantly. We salute you.)
  9. Upper spine removed forcibly out your backside. Save or instant death, make the save and you're pretty much incapacitated, though you can call out in agony to your friends, allies and enemies. A little cursing might be not be out of order.
  10. Belly erupts open and your guts are spilled forth like spaghetti on a soggy paper plate at a family reunion. You take X2 damage and are now going to spend 1d4 turns picking up your own personal gut-pile.
  11. Lower spine is smashed. You no longer have the use of your legs. Save at -4 penalty or it's permanent.
  12. Lose one leg at the hip (even=right, odd=left).
  13. Pelvis broken in 1d4 places. You won't be moving any time soon. Take X3 damage from internal bleeding.
  14. Thigh is mostly torn away, lose the use of one leg, determined randomly.
  15. Lose 1d10 toes (as fingers above).
  16. Kneecap destroyed. Save or lose the leg below it.
  17. Calf ruined. You now hobble until attended to--save or gain a permanent limp.
  18. Foot removed, determine which one the usual way.
  19. Shin is driven out of your leg and becomes a missile weapon all on its own, roll randomly to determine who it hits for 2d6 damage.
  20. You feel fine, but will drop dead at the very moment that the battle ends. You are now one of those heroic souls that survivors write sonnets and other forms of bad poetry about, but this probably doesn't offer you much comfort. Better luck next life.
If you have any ideas for things you think we ought to think about adding to this already horrific table, feel free to suggest them in the comments and we'll consider adding them to the table.


  1. I love goofy and horrific tables =)

  2. @Loquacious: Sure, it's all fun and games until someone gets their eye shot out by a Spectral Arquebus...


Thanks for your comment. We value your feedback and appreciate your support of our efforts.